On the Eve of PGY2...

Yes, I've been gone; Missing In Action. 

(Here is my attempt to fill in the gaps for the past several months.)

March was hard.  

Very hard.  Probably even harder than last March (when I made myself crazy worrying about match).  If you remember my family and I were enduring a storm, and March was a turning point for us, we were waiting for the forecast. We would either be enduring months of more rain or we would finally get some relief in the form of a rainbow.  So in March, I was consumed with the turn of events and simply put, I was an absolute mess.  

But turns out we got our rainbow.  God faithfully answered our prayers. The sun is now shining on my family, and while we are still expecting a few lingering showers, we have made it out of that storm, stronger and closer than ever.  

And to be honest, April was still a little tough because even though I had gotten my wish, our prayers had been answered, I still felt bruised and broken.  I didn't understand why I was still hurt, I had expected the pain to all vanish as quickly as it had appeared.  I really struggled with being unable to bounce back to my prior self.  But with time, the pain and anger has faded, and I finally feel like a normal human being again.

But I have since struggled with how to get back to blogging.  Its hard to return to something when you have gotten out of the habit.  

When I was going through the storm with my family, it was not something I could share publicly.  It was also something in which I felt like I was constantly going out of my mind.  The turn of events were so unreal, I had trouble even putting them in writing for myself.  I just couldn't wrap my head around it all.  

But as we are wrapping up intern year, and I see the difficulties and challenges of PGY2* on the horizon, I realize I need to get back in the habit of blogging.  Writing has been my therapy the past several years (until recently of course).  And I lost that outlet.  

I know the next few months are going to be a difficult transition, as Mr. Dawkter takes on longer hours and greater responsibilities as a second year resident. I know I need to return to blogging as it is so therapeutic to share my frustrations, fears and laughs as we continue our journey through medical training.  Not to mention I will have a lot more time on my hands, and Mr. D will be spending the majority of his time at the hospital!

So while I've had a major leave of absence, hopefully I am back for good now.  

*PGY2 - stands for Post Graduate Year 2 (second year of residency or second year out of medical school)

Silver Lining

I've always admired people who can manage to make the most of a terrible situation. And it wasn't until recently that I really understood what people meant by finding a silver lining in the clouds.

The clouds in my life had been looming for months, and the weatherman was predicting this storm, but I still had hoped and prayed that it would pass without ever raining down. But a few weeks ago the storm hit and who knows when it will let up or pass over. As painful and as devastating as the "storm" is on me and my family, it has also brought with it some great blessings.

I always admired the song "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns but I never understood how people could honestly praise their God when their heart was breaking. It sounds admirable but I doubted that my faith could ever reach such a point.

Yet, somehow, here I am. Amidst the storms, drenched in rain, thankful to my Lord. The lyrics of the song go:

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen, and it's still raining, as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I am with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are, no matter where I am, and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand. You never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm.

So what you ask is this silver lining, that gives me faith and strength through this storm? It is the blessing of friends and family. In the past few weeks the amount of outpouring from my family, friends and even old friends and acquaintances has been amazing. I always knew I was blessed, but it wasn't until this that I realized how much my family is loved. Our extended family has really shown us unconditional love through both their words and their actions. And my family has become closer than ever. It is these wonderful people that make me realize that there is more to God's plans then what we are going through right now. I know that he may not answer our prayers exactly when or how we want him to, but he will give us the strength and support we need to get through this time, and answer our prayers in His time.

I look back now and see how much I stressed last year (to the point that I gave myself stomach problems) over applying to residency and "match," and I realize all of that was for nothing. I am so happy where we ended up, and honestly God's plan was better than I could have ever hoped for. So I try not to worry about this storm, and I will trust in God knowing that His plan is greater than anything I could ever imagine or understand.

To my family, you guys are awesome, I don't know how I got so lucky And to the rest of you thank you, your support means more than you will ever know.

Poulet

One of the wonderful things I've been able to do since I'm not working yet, was watch my nephew. The little cutie is French - my sister met his French Father while working abroad. As a result he is bilingual. His nickname is poulet, which means chicken/poultry, in French and is an endearing term in France.

Two weeks ago when my Mom and I were watching him while his parents were on a mini-holiday, we took some time to take a whole bunch of photos of him. Of course I think he is absolutely adorable - not that I am biased or anything. But here are a few of my favorites.

Playing with sticks

Peek-a-boo!

Watering Grandma's flowers

My attempt at an artsy photo

Posing so well for the camera

On the swings at the park

I love this one because he looks angry but I'm pretty sure he was just intensely singing/yelling

And one final picture